When our dinners are being dropped off, hang-outs are virtual and we’re working from home.
Christmas came and went. As did New Years and soon after that my birthday followed by Valentine’s Day. Somewhere in-between new years and my birthday a serious depression swept over me. Winter was in full swing with short, dark, cold days, there were actually a few days there where the constant colouring outside was grey accompanied by cold rain. I was in my sweats for longer than I would like to admit, I was sleeping in, stuck inside, lost all motivation to try or do anything new. The only thing that briefly kept my mind occupied with something outside of myself was helping my boyfriend get rid of some of his old clothes and helping him organize the basement. I was in a dark place that was unfamiliar to me.
In the back of my mind, I knew the tricks that would help me climb out of this dark hole that I put myself in. I remember after my first breakup (which was also my first heartbreak) my best friend at the time told me in a very slap in the face kinda way “get yourself together, put on a cute outfit, bake some cupcakes, listen to classical music, dance, exercise, take a bath!” Just hearing that from her, felt very much like an order and maybe I’m the type of person that that type of advice works for. So I did just that. I put my iTunes on shuffle, got ready, and I’m not entirely sure where the day took me but doing that small step helped me feel better. It made me feel better about myself, maybe it made me feel more like the “old” me- the Marsha pre-heartbreak.
I’ve often told people one of my favourite parts of going out is the getting ready part. I can spent minutes or hours doing it. Pending on the occasion, I will make a coffee or pour myself some wine, find some tunes and begin the process. Either with a shower or in my comfy clothes. Sitting on the floor or on my bathroom counter I will begin prepping my skin, maybe look at some inspiration on Pinterest for a new makeup look I want to attempt. When I’m finished with the makeup next I head over to the closet or over to my bed where I’ve strewn my looks together and pick which one matches my mood. My style and what I wear goes very much hand-in-hand with how I am feeling. Those same jeans and plain white t-shirt somedays doesn’t feel the same way and it begins with me.
Being in lockdown for this amount of time doesn’t warrant me putting on a maxi dress, or that blouse if I’m just staying at home alone. I want to go as far as saying that, it sort of feels like a slap in the face to even suggest getting dressed up to just stay at home.
With everything that has been going on. I feel as though the wind has been taken out from my sails. The places I used to go, the people I used to meet, the shops that I would frequent, the walks I would take with Winston were very quickly tainted with immense fear (not stemming from me). It’s like that exact moment in a fairy tale when the main character finds themselves in a mysterious forest that from afar looked welcoming and held promise for a beautiful future, where your dreams came true but upon arrival, holds many trials and challenges that that hero is about to embark ultimately meeting their shadow and coming out of the proverbial forest more familiar with their own selves.
Getting dress sets the tone for the day and to some level dictates your motivation for said day. Sunday mornings attire looks different than say Fridays evening look or Mondays all day look. What you choose to wear to the famers market is not what you would typical choose to wear to your pilates or yoga class (unless of course you’re going to the famers market after your activity of choice). Being in lockdown for this amount of time doesn’t warrant me putting on a maxi dress, or that blouse if I’m just staying at home alone. I want to go as far as saying that, it sort of feels like a slap in the face to even suggest getting dressed up to just stay at home. Truly what have we come to?
My mind, heart and soul were beating to a different tune last week. My boyfriend typically wakes up before I do. Where as I tend to slowly wake up- I’m usually the last person leaving the yoga studio after a class as I milk savasana as much as I can before they ask me to leave hahaha. With him taking Winston for his morning pee (and poo haha) I didn’t feel so rushed in the morning. After I brushed my teeth and washed my face I reached over to my concealer and covered up some undesirable spots. I was then inclined to put on a little bit of bronzer and blush, curly my lashes (no mascara) and immediately I felt a little bit more alive and with purpose even though I had no different plans for the day. I put on some comfortable trousers, t-shirt + sweater and made myself my morning coffee and I felt very much like I had one up’d my depression- a life hack so to speak where I tricked my mind from woe-is-me, victim, no motivation to “no I got this”.
To me, it wasn’t about the concealer, it was about the allowance of accepting where I was and feeling as though no matter what my circumstances, I always have choices available to me to aid me int he process or hinder me and my emotions are my guidance. I choose to do things based on how I am feeling and so, if I keep doing something and its not making me feel good that is a clear indication that a change is necessary; something doesn’t fit.
Although for the first few days of me wearing only sweats that were 4 sizes too big for me felt really really amazing, after a period of time it didn’t anymore, it wasn’t in alignment with my core beliefs. I needed to start getting dress or at the very least find another outfit and see how I felt. Jeans, wool pants, yoga pants were at the time a step in a better direction. My days felt more productive, I felt more of who I was pre-lockdowns.
It really goes to show that, getting dressed, doing your hair, putting on a touch of makeup is more of a reflection on how you value and view yourself and the self you want to put out to the World on any given day. Getting ready is self care and that self care varies from person-to-person. The main takeaway from this is, honour and celebrate you wherever you are in your personal growth. And do it unapologetically. What works for me certainly won’t work for you or it might! Either way, there is no wrong or right way of exploring you and loving you.
So if all its is a little bit of extra time in the morning, or a few outfits changes through out the day to help you out of your depression, then yes, there is a power in getting dressed!
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found this post so helpful. im always packing too much and find it so hard to take stuff away but i should print this while doing my next trip. Ailee Job Stephania