The effects of isolation– It doesn’t feel like all that much for me while I’m in the thick of it- everyday feels like the last and the days (and months) just bleed together into one nightmare of year. Maybe I’m one of the lucky ones as I embarked on my yoga teacher training certification program and although it needed to be taken and completed online less than half way through my training, I had yoga anatomy, philosophy and yoga flows to look forward to twice a week for a nice chunk of my year.
The reality of what I had experienced in 2020 didn’t really catch up to me until a few hours before welcoming 2021. Welcoming in the new year with a hesitant hug; the kind where you’re not sure if it’s going to stab you in the back or not. I looked back on my year and thought “I survived it, but at what cost?” I felt myself very quickly dealing with the psychological effects that 2020 left on me.
Staying indoors typically wouldn’t frighten me too much. I find solace in curling up with a tea and a good book, or having an evening of pampering and snacks, binge watching a new show on Netflix. I can find a lot of fun and restorative ways to spend my time indoors. What I didn’t consider was being forced to stay indoors- shops being closed, streets that were typically busy and bustling would be completely empty. Staying indoors on your terms is much different than being forced to stay inside.
The first couple of weeks felt like novelty, and dare I say a dream come true for the introvert that I am. The reality however wasn’t as dreamy as, looking back now, I would’ve liked it to be. There was an immense sense of fear everywhere that as an introverted, highly sensitive empath was a lot for me to process, especially since there was much confusion in the air as well. Maybe it’s too soon to say since we’re not out of the woods yet- we are still in a state of emergency and everything is closed up right as the year started. As always and the best I know how, I did (and am still doing) alI that I could with the knowledge I had of the situation, where I was in my life and with the resources I had/have. I took the opportunity to better myself at home with some fundamentals I never fully learned. I really took to learning the basics of cooking- think making pizza dough, breads (excluding sourdough because…it seems less like kitchen basics and more of nurturing the starter like a pet which then turns into a delicious loaf- wasn’t my highest joy) and how to make salad dressing (hahaha I KNOW!). I pickled and jarred and made pasta from scratch and perfected the art of making pierogies. Eleven months later I feel much more comfortable in the kitchen and just a little bit more savvy that I did prior.
Suddenly the wind was taken out from my sails and I needed to evaluate the things that gave me a sense of purpose.
What I didn’t anticipate happening was the existential crisis of “what’s the point of pursuing the goals?” Suddenly the wind was taken out from my sails and I needed to evaluate the things that gave me a sense of purpose. Waking up every morning and going to a coffee shop to work gave me purpose. I would set up shop and write to my hearts content- poetry, blog posts, screenplays or just journal to get something off my chest and gain more clarity of my emotional landscape. Going to the grocery store, buying dog food for Winston, meeting with my mom at the mall and spending quality time with her, hanging with friends, planning trips, planning birthdays, planning get togethers, all these things added depth and joy to my life.
We stayed inside, became better cooks, renovated our homes, became crafty with how we communicated with our loved ones, developed better communication with our s/o or partners (that will be another post altogether). These rolling lockdowns and restrictions have been trying and mostly confusing as it pertains to how I thought a pandemic would be handled. I felt like I was rolling through a never ending yellow light not sure if I should stop or go. It was one step forward and thirty steps backwards. I grew weary of my future and everything I was planning for it. Suddenly all the aspects of my life I didn’t like were highlighted and I was forced to accept my fate.
So how did I turn this confusing, depressing, unmotivated time around to benefit me? Well, I turned the spotlight inwards. I know that that’s where it all begins and ends. I changed some of the beliefs and definitions I’ve placed on the year and with the knowledge that everything has two sides- it can’t just be dark (bad), the same way as it can’t just be light (good). I had the time and the space I needed to focus on my true priorities, and fall in love with the beginning stages of it all. I needed to renew my vows to my passions so to speak.
I started a youtube channel which introduced me to more passions and joys. I studied the backend and behind the scenes of how to better promote myself and the business of content creation. I learned wordpress and adobe premier and photoshop. I better understood the workings and psychology of fonts and web design, I learned how to ask better questions, most importantly I have created a space where I feel I can better connect with a community.
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And that’s the root of all of it. The dreaded WHY I kept meeting. The why is the community, the connection- using the internet to be able to connect with like minded souls. More than ever we are looking to YouTube and blogs and forums and threads to form connections with.
That is where I am now. I am so thrilled to be creating a space for people to come to, to empathize and learn how to be the best versions of themselves, to have conversations- silly or stimulating or even triggering!
My god, if we have to stay at home, lets at least get together on a real, unfiltered (and edited only a little bit, hahaha) so that when we come out of this tunnel or cave or whatever you’ve labeled it as, more compassionate and respectful but most importantly, come out better understanding our true selves.
To read more on the effects of isolation, read this article published by psychology today.
One of my favorite quotes by Haruki Murakami rings more true than ever,
6“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in.
– Haruki Murakami
Thanks for sharing your story!
You are so beautiful thank you for this!
Awwww thank you thank you!