It’s time to unlearn toxic ideas about sex and give yourself permission to embrace your sexuality.
Shame and embarrassment are often the reasons we feel unable to give and receive pleasure; a side-effect from the sex-negative society we live in. Sex negativity perpetuates the idea that sex is unnatural, disgusting, harmful, dangerous, risky and shameful. Allowing yourself to feel pleasure and explore your sexuality without judgement is one such way to flip that narrative on its head.
There are so many reasons why someone might feel out of touch with their erotic self, be it stress, grief, cultural messaging, body confidence or ill health but with the self-awarness, self-compassion and practice we can diminish that inner critic, learn to trust ourselves again, befriend our bodies and, in turn, feel safe to let someone else in. Repeating affirmations such as, “I am entitled to feel pleasure” and “I deserve to feel good” can help foster that connection with your erotic self and create a foundation for experiencing joy.
It Begins With You
Masturbation is an elite form of self-care, as fundamental to your wellbeing as taking a shower, journaling, or folding yourself into a downward dog. Taking the time to get to know your body and exploring your own pleasure is the portal to confidence both for you and for them – because mutual masturbation is hot. Pleasure and confidence go hand in hand, and if you can get comfortable with asking for what you want (and listening to what they want), both parties will likely have a better time. Communication will provide all the social lubrication you need for intimacy.
Understanding The Anatomy
For starters, often when we say vagina what we’re actually referencing is our vulva. The vagina is just the muscular tube that extends from the cervix to the vulva. While the vulva includes all of the outer parts that you can see.
The Clitoris
The clitoris contains more than 8,000 nerve endings, and is made up of the same erectile tissue as the penis—it even fills with blood and becomes engorged when we’re aroused. But it’s not just the part of the clit we can see that reacts when you’re aroused.
According to Rebecca Brightman, M.D., an ob-gyn at East Side Women’s Associates, the entire clitoris is “0.5 to 2 cm in length, and the glans is less than 1 cm. The entire clitoral complex—including the internal wings—will become engorged and enlarged with stimulation.”
Surprisingly not a lot was know about the clitoris until the 1990’s. The medical community didn’t know about the clitoris’ identical makeup to the penis until a female urologist named Helen O’Connell, M.D., figured it out while dissecting cadavers. She published her work, “The Anatomy of the Clitoris,” in 1998.
In 2005, Helen O’connell, M.D., launched a study in which she and her team applied fMRI technology to the clitoris to fully map its components for the first time.
Dr. O’Connell’s full picture of the clitoris in her 2005 study took us far beyond the clitoral crown, or the external tip of the clitoris that lies just beneath a flap of skin called the clitoral hood. Her findings showed that the organ actually extends several inches into the body, branching into a shape that looks like a wishbone, says Thomas. “It’s all this amazing erectile tissue that wraps around [the urethra, toward the top of the vagina], and it all engorges when it’s stimulated,” she says. “Pound for pound, if you have a vulva, you actually have the same amount of erectile tissue that people with penises have, but it’s just internal.”
Recent research on the internal part of the clitoris has also unveiled some other anatomical details of note, according to sexologist and neuroscientist Nan Wise, PhD, who conducted the first study of the brain during clitoral stimulation in 2011. “The internal clitoris is fascinating since it consists of vestibular bulbs hugging the entrance of the vagina, which, when stimulated, can help vaginal penetration feel more pleasurable,” she says.
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